I sincerely pray to God to bring my cousin to heaven earlier, the place where she long to be. A place without illness, without jealousy, without quarrels and only a place showered with peace, love and happiness by God. What a lovely place! If only where I am now is such a kind of place.

May God Bless her with such lovely moments sooner......

live life to the fullest while you can...

have been visiting my dear cousin kyla. She was only 24 years old when she was diagnosed with a third stage rare tissue cancer, pecoma, in july07. She underwent a 6 hours major op to remove her womb , part of large intestine, lymph nodes that had cancer cells around it and also some around her veins on the left leg. After the op, she had a stoma (an opening which allows the removal of feces bypassing the rectum) done at the iluem.

Her mum couldn't take the stress and was in a state of depression, taking sleeping pills almost everyday. Kyla however was strong and determined to fight against the cancer cells. She told her mum,"you've to go back home and rest well if not you'll not be able to look afer me when i need you.". These words were indeed very touching. Everyone was happy seeing her determination to live on. Her father had to deal with her situation and also his wife's depression causing him to breakdown a few times.

After undergoing 4 months of chemo, the doctor gave her a MRI scan. The result was that her cancer cells were actually spreading. Some growing on the kidneys, ureter, bladder, around her veins. The biggest was actually 7.7cm by 6.2cm. She herself felt sad and she cried. But her determination was still there. She had to take morphine pills 3 times daily which was a small dosage as compared to now. She started to believe people's experiences and started consuming different prescription and even took chinese medicine. Basically, she tried almost everything and everyway there was. from Chinese medicine to beetroot to lemongrass to mangosteen to chanting buddha scripts to..... Her weight dropped to 30+kg. She had backaches everyday and was unable to be in one position for long.

During my recess week, I visited her. but the next week, she was lying in hospital. Injection of a stronger painkiller than morphine, blood test, scans, drips...her cancer cells actually grew to almost 30cm which the doctor describe that it was as big as a football. Her parents were very sad. now and then, tears could be seen welling up in their eyes, sighing and yawning. They visit her every morning at 6.30am till 10pm at night. her father's big belly had actually flatten and disappeared. She had very bad backaches increasing the baseline of painkiller everyday and asking for a perch(additional dosage of painkiller on top of baseline requirement) from 2 times a day to once every 2hours. Her stomach was bloated and her legs swollen due to the removal of lymph nodes. However she was still eating well and smiling now and then. Her ureter was block due to the enlarged tumor, she had tubes diectly connected to her kidneys to drain out the excessive fluids. After another few days, the doctors had metal tubes inserted into her ureter to assist her to drain out fluids into the bladder. but one of her kidneys was found to be disfunctioning. She was able to released by herself after that.

all these was not for long...a few days later, she couldnt take the pain much more and she became frustrated. I visited her today and the baseline for her painkiller is at the max already. this time it was her urethra that was block by the tumor and her released of fluids was not to the expected level. so a tube was inserted into the bladder through urethra. Her was half-concious due to the large dosage of painkillers. she was even dozing off while having dinner. Her elder sister was beside her all the time. puffy eyes and wasnt looking good as well. doctors said that she needs a spinal anesthesia because she had reached the max dosage of painkiller allowed.

I felt so sad when i look at her. happy memories filled me. the times when we played tgt and how she dote on me. how she tied my hair for me, her cheerful looks long ago, dinners tgt, midnight soyabean before the major op, potato chips and tv....many many more...tears well up my eyes many times but they didnt dripped down in front of her..the more her smiles, the worse we feel...and now she is half-concious..eating with the slightest energy she has.

I hope her sufferings can end sooner but i can bear to see her leave...oh man...i am so confused...:"(

I have lessons tmr. but i cant get to sleep.:"(

ntu trng cancelled today coz too little pple.haha.lucky sia.i feeling so lazy today...in fact is everyday.think i need to exercise and go on diet le.wahaha.

i am so damn sad lah.my computer harddisk collapsed.should have changed it earlier.shit it man.not only my C drive files gone, my D drive files is in danger.think very hard to retrieve le.damn la.got so many things dere.my mp3, my photos...and alot more.sianx.need go sim lim one day and search for a larger space harddisk.haha.but need money.not alot, think around 50 bucks.so suay manx.now using my brother's computer.damn damn damn.if D drive cannot get back i really gonna cry lo.haix :"(

tj duno trng when and wad time de.haiyo.very mah fan.muz ask juniors.shall see tml.think tml have but duno wad time.sigh~

One touching story...

...dun forget to give your love ones a hug today!

slacking at home everyday..
taking a *peep* at my hamsters..i saw spidermEn.

this one is abit blur...

looking nearer at those hanging objects... and this is the nearest...aha!
my baby hamstee.

comparing the size....cool eh..the small one looks so mini..

from 2 hamsters to 4 and now to 10...forever multiplying figure...

i think my mama^hamster is pregnant again...goin to give birth in another week or so...wahaha.

some day this week....

Visited The Animal Resort at jalan kayu...some interesting birds..

looks like peacock...but not sure wad it is. this is definitely a swan..a black one?!

this is the most disgusting creature there. looks like a bald head old man.

joke of the day>> this creature looks like fukuan in CSS2

i guess this is a goose...

besides birds..we saw puppies on sale, rabbits and newly born baby rabbits with no hair, guinea pigs, rats...oso got chickens...haha..fun day!!

I bought this ticket......and I was just 55 tickets away from S$10k... My little hamster babies...8 babies this time but 1 died...

I watched pirates of the caribbean on wednesday night..nice movie..highly recommended..Captain jack sparrow was never never hilarious..I laughed till I fall back on my seat..woot~ wahaha..

I am injured..below my left eye got one red mark and my nose kena blue black also..I was in a fight?!..no no..I hit myself accidentally while playing with a stick..results of being playful..hmmm..lucky today the marks disappeared except my nose still blue black..muhehe..

Hey peeps, I am back!

So sorry for not replying qiaoyi’s msges and aga’s oso. Its just that my phone wasn’t with me. I was away. Not so soon but hopefully next next dinner I can join in.heh heh:P

Sunday’s Queensway trip I didn’t manage to go too coz I really wasn’t feeling well. Sick, you know? On the way of recovering. But I did went Queensway the week before and bought a pair of converse shoes at 40% staff discount. Save me a lot. Anyone want anything from converse, everlast and another brand I forgot, can tell me the item serial number. I can get discount for you guys.

AND…life is so boring. When you have work, you don’t feel like working. When you have nothing to do, you feel like working. My work is ending this week. Gonna be jobless again.

Gtg rest le. Shall blog another time. Byebye. smilex:)

Long time since i blog. Its time i revived it. Juz feel like blogging tonite. I dunno why. Dun ask me why. Sometimes i juz hate it when pple ask me why.

Sometimes its not because i dun wan to explain, its juz that pple dun understand coz they have never been through wad i have been through these few years and till now it hasn't end. pple who are the closest to you are actually the ones that hurt you the most. I am not refering to my the other half. Its pple who have known you since you were born.

Sometimes i think of ways to get out of it, but that isn't important. Running away from reality doesn't solve the problem totally. Tml have to work again. loads of documents waiting for me to settle. sianz. Today juz not in the right mood. illness and got pissed off by pple who are in the wrong and never admits it.

`I am lost without You`

The first time in my life I did teaching...taught chinese...the student's standard were like so shitty...it was this primary school and the kids love to run around...somemore in the class...den i have some kids who will come up to me and complain that who scold bad word and later complain again that who point middle finger as if its a very bad thing to do. well....its quite normal for us but it looks like something that will cause them to get punished.I juz told the student not to learn the bad things...i dun think i want to punish them..haha..I am still jobless anyway...hmmmm...waiting for agency to help me find in the meanwhile do some relief teaching...its $65 per day which I taught for 9 periods which is 4.5hours only...so one hour is $10++...so shuang...the school juz behind my house only, can save transport fee oso...I left house and reached at 7.30am den i can go home at around 1pm...wad a happy day...hope more teachers from the school sick den i can teach and earn more...wahahaha...very evil thought of mine....

I was so bored at home so i decided to test my own IQ:

The result wasn't that bad....i think i quite clever siax...juz no luck especially when its comes to job hunting...maybe i am fated to be a taitai...hohoho :D

I was god damn pissed off right after chem paper today and it happened right in the school canteen...spoiled my mood for the rest of the day!!!!!

some pple who are juz born to be failures tend to blame it on others.what's more is that they appear to be gentlemanly on the outside but on the inside, its juz directly the opposite. I swear such pple should juz go and bang their heads on the wall and die if they can't accept failure and have to blame others. what crap to spoil my day juz like that!!!

A' levels is over for me. Its gonna be history and precious memories in my JC life shall stay forever. To browse through my studying process....

It all started with this unavailable square table in my bedroom......top left hand corner is Physics, top right hand corner is GP, bottom left hand corner are the pass year papers, bottom right hand corner is Chemistry, at the centre is Maths....the rest are just the overflowing of the notes and some undone hmwk before prelims.....I took quite sometime before prelims to decide which corner to put which subject coz I was afraid the table would topple over...and then right at the front is a photo with my PW group members.....

In order to understand food chemistry, I cooked dinner thrice before A's....... the 1st dinner... 2nd dinner...didn't take photo of the third coz it was a big black pot of chicken with carrots and potato and a plate of cabbage....I cooked them by myself..surprised???...I actually know how to cook...hmmm... Next is to understand Physics, and how terminal velocity is achieved...I was so bored that I decided to find a new studying spot at home...and it was this kitchen table above..I was lying on it studying and I fell asleep. On waking up, I couldn't remember where I was and I turned my body ending up experiencing projectile motion and then flat on the floor. Ouch...pain one k? Actually it wasn't the first time, last year during promos I fell once from this table already....Ehem~ -_-"

And to learn Maths....I drew all types of diagrams to understand it...below is my nickname...heh~heh.

Vectors which I still don't understand till now...but who cares...its over:P Stats....that's an irony....remember: never believe what I say... And last but not least of coz...maths makes me mad..in other words crazy....too much crap in my Maths notes...therefore I am not giving it to any juniors...and I don't think anyone wants them too... Finally...after studying for 18-3=15 years (coz I started kindergarten at 4), I am spared!!!!!

Liberty+Equality=Fraternity

you do not need to be a good writer in order to read and understand a story,
neither do you need to know how to draw to be able to appreciate a painting...
and of course you do not need to be loved to fall in love.

:)

Spooky it says...the drink wasn't spooky at all....but the nite was with all the haze around me... my mid-autumn festival nite at one of my favourite hangout spot was fun...burn 12 lanterns at the end of it....shall see the 'burnt lanterns' pictures next time...hohoho...:P

My 18th birthday presents....all so lovely....:)

A birthday card from my brother&girlfriend these are the messages from my dear vballers...guess who wrote which one?? these are from agatha...a shirt, memo holder cum paper weight and titbits... this is from char&cher...it is now beautifully on display in my kitchen... some other things from char&cher...penguin that comes with the above water dispenser, cute slippers with a monster face that I assume it looks like me coz its cute and char's fav brand, KAPPA socks...haha. This is from captain Isabella...she actually chose a husky unknowningly and I love that dog..a moo~moo~ mini slipper hanging on my bag now..nail polish which i have decided to use the purple one first and of coz this cute little baby keychain which I shall make it Fangy's brand coz its all over my papers and books for these 2 years of college life... AHha....this is from qiaoyi aka octopussie...shall use this bag soon...can't wait to free myself from the exams and enjoy...maybe I shall bring it to school this week??... this doggy is from sharon aka siti...the biscuits which I have finished and the monster sweets that turn my mouth upside down with different colours... ohhhh....and this is from my poor yenling who was sick on my birthday...didn't get to treat her...shall bring her to lunch one day...I simply love the figurines on the calender..shall use it to count down my days to exam..and of coz this hippo with such cute skirt that keeps reminding me that I am 18 this year.. This is my sweet little baby bed and the baby is of coz me...this package and card appeared on my "kiddo" bed on 1st October...I tot it was children's day present only to realise that I am 18 already when I open the card... coz there was this BIG BIG 18 on the card....and the wierdest dog I have ever seen with such a huge head and a tiny body....

Haha...that's the end of my presents....wonderful, lovely, memorable....how I wish I can stay at 18 forever...