This is my first birthday present this year. It was from my classmate Linda. Indeed, a very early birthday present because I received it during the study break, it was received on 29/8/06, one month earlier. It was some GP notes and markers' report...a very heartwarming birthday present, like it alot anyways.Thanks Linda!! I dun think she reads my blog anyway. Haha..:)

I got back all my results except for GP. It was like shit. I did so badly. All the marks are like half half one. Now, I hope that I can pass my GP. However, I most probably would have failed badly already. Therefore, this is called fat hope.-=>notice the GP essay structure?!? 0_o"

我要一架大大的飞机

What kind of plane suits me...

a cartoon plane...

fighter plane... air bomber... F-16... or a passenger plane???

I was teasing Isabella about wanting a big big aeroplane and she ask me why...nth to reply...so I said duno...haha..actually I wanted a plane for......hmmm...cannot tell...haha 0_o"

Hey, friends out dere...

before you sleep...listen to this story first....

The Room

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like.

"I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.."

It also was the last. Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven.

"It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there." Mr. Moore said. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted. The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents."

I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it,shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.

The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Philippians 4:13

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3: 16

Good nite, dear friends and especially vballers.....good luck for the prelims!!! Hang on, and Jiayou!! It will be over soon...

5..... 4.... 3... 2.. 1.

I was too bored while studying...

'No Play No Gain' by Fangy, 8/9/06

And now...I am back to studying...

I am so tired...

dead finally...R.I.P....

Everybody, Happy Studying~!!

Isn't this sweet?? How I wish I can be the baby girl.....that's the birthday present I want...*_*

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY to ISABELLA !!!!!!!

While chatting.........................................,

this hilarious conversation between Tad218 and SpongeBob pop up>>>>

Tad218: people with spongebob avatars are normally gay men
SpongeBob: you know lots of them i guess!?
Tad218: nah its just pretty easy to assume...dont take it to serious. im just givin ya shit
SpongeBob: dont give me your shit when i learn english TAD for TADPOLE is men sperm
Tad218: the tad in tadpole means sperm heh?
SpongeBob: i liked you tad you will go far
Tad218: Sponge: A small absorbent contraceptive pad that contains a spermicide and is placed against the cervix of the uterus before sexual intercourse.looks like you get a little sperm yourself
Spectator: ...idiots
Tad218: lol...i know. oooooooooooooh well

Comical.... :D

world war III starting at home. just a spark will do. anyway, I am the innocent victim.

so national day 2006 doesn't sound nice to me at all. the national stadium will be demolished and I dun have the ticket to go and watch this historical moment live. what's worse?? I have to watch it on TV with cold war surrounding me. A nagging old hag is one that will irritate you till you feel like pulling out your own hair and plucking all her teeth out so that she cannot speak properly and will stop nagging. what the hell is this man......

things tt occupied my mind when i go to school and fears that i have having to return home...what to do??life sux once again...its good that i have gp remedial from 2.40 to 3.35 tml...first time i like gp remedial...:)

finally, I remembered to show my mother my result slip. hmmm..no comments and if there were any..well..neva decide what I would do just yet. Actually, I expected such bad results from the start..so its okay, I guess.

good achievement for these two weeks..I did my hmwk, I studied, I wasn't late for school..though sometimes in time..for a few times I was almost late, lucky there was someone there to urge me to walk faster or even run to school..I wondered why but I do feel blessed these two weeks...:)

And the days without exercise, I am feeling so fat...shall go on a diet to kill my fats..tml's napfa test..I cant jump, I cant reach, I dun have the confidence....sobx

JCT's over, finally. I studied but I cant seem to answer the questions. It was a disaster, I blank out totally. No more hope. I am going to fail at least 2 papers. Wad to do?? haix...I really did study. But I guess my mind is just not there though my eyes are staring at the notes. Always drifting to my own dreamland where there is peace and no quarrels btw family members and there is love and care and concern and most importantly a world without gamblers, a place where people dun talk about money. I think I am going crazy. I am being a loner, isolation from people, and drinking is just a joy to me.

I have been sleeping at 5,6 am these few days. Should I say I am busy playing and studying or am I suffering from insomnia. Different dreams every day, different thoughts every month, different age every year. Things are changing every second. I need sleeping pills or any drug that cause drowsiness will do. :-/

~Its really difficult to fake a smile sometimes, it just makes things worse.~

`That's what my life is about>>fake emotions.`

I am so tired...tired of everything. My head feels so heavy and my brain is saturated...

The only times I can forget about myself is when I am in court......I miss volleyball...miss my teammates lotx......

What do humans live for? Sometimes I really wonder...

You tell me that you don't wish to carry on living, I also want to tell you that I wish to die. And not just die but to die in front of you. You want me to study well for my future yet you are the one that make me fail my studies, I can't focus well with so much worries. Sometimes I really feel like giving up totally, yet i kept myself going.

One day if I have the courage to tell you that I want to commit suicide, you would have found me lying in a pool of blood telling you I can't make it anymore.

These thoughts have come across me more than 10 times this year. It has been getting worse these two years. I really wonder if I am able to hold on longer.

I FEEL SO PISSED OFF.....really feel like dying sometimes..... :"(

You scored as Engineering. You should be an Engineering major! Engineering 92% Mathematics 83% Chemistry 75% Philosophy 75% Psychology 67% Biology 67% Dance 58% Anthropology 58% Art 50% Sociology 50% Theater 50% Journalism 33% Linguistics 33% English 25% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

This is definitely true!!! I want to study engineering....hohoho...and i hate english to the core...:P

National Inter-School 'A' Division Volleyball Championships 2006.

First round:
Tjc was up against Rjc, Vjc and Yjc...Tj won all 2-0. sMilex:)
Quarters:
Tjc vs HCi...Tj lost 0-2. its alrite...we shall win the next 2...
Tjc vs Pjc...Tj won 2-0. yEa~we can do it...strong team indeed..chEErx:P
Tjc vs NYjc...Tj lost 1-2. wad a close fight...sad:(

wEll~many say it was luck, but some say its not. All i can say is that all the teams that got into quarters were of the same standard, and therefore i believe luck matters. There is no such thing that one team is alot more better than another. Juz like Ajc, their skills are good as seen in the match where they play against HCi. However, they got kick out in the quarters and now HCi is in the finals. Get it?!? This shows that LUCK matters. Since now Tj gals team is out, i can onli say that we were unlucky. Or maybe the other teams' luck is better than our as we did perform well on that CRUCIAL day.

After the match ended on Friday, the team sat at the same place we sat last year. I cant believe i was still smiling at that moment when yenling and some others were crying. I felt that we played well. After 10-15 minutes, when i reflect back the happenings of the match, regrets filled me. If only i did not spike into the net, if only i did not spike out, if only i was less blur...many if only-s. I can feel tears welling up, i held back, swallowed them back deep into my heart. I told myself "I musnt cry now, once it starts flowing, there is no end to it." We went for dinner at fish&co and watch M:i:III. All the while, any talks about the competition, my tears reformed again and was swallowed back again and again.

Sat(6th May) Moody for the whole day. Watch the elections and fell asleep on my bed without bathing. I wasnt in the mood for a shower. Woke up the next morning at 6am for a shower. Read my teammates' blog. I let out my tears finally, in the silence of the morning.

Sun(7th May)..its so bored to stay at home. The thought of training on last Sunday came back to me. We were so happy then. I couldnt concentrate on studying for Physics test. Stoning in front of the Tv for the whole day until evening when i chat with isabella online, i cried again uncontrollably in front of my computer. At night, i went to sleep but flashbacks of the last game keep coming back. Finally, I switch on the lights and decided to study for Physics test. Reading through the notes, i cant help thinking about vball trainings and all the fun we had for the past 1.5 years. Think i fell asleep at 3 plus and woke up at 5 with all my physics notes crushed on my bed. Tired....

Mon(8th May) Failed my Physics test as expected.. Tears welled up at my eyes a few times unknowingly during lectures and tutorials. The time was crawling. I wasnt in the mood for chem remedial after school, so i juz walk past in front of my chem teacher and out of the classroom without a word to him. I slept all the way home. Reached home, dinner and night came. I packed my bag and suddenly i feel so empty. Looking at my bag which was usually filled with jersey, training-tees and towels, sadness filled me. I glanced at my phone, remembering the night before the last match when i received about 7-8 encouragement messages from my dear teammates. Regrets, regrets and more regrets. It could have been the same scenario if we won the last match. I questioned myself "Was it luck?? Or was it becoz of that few points that i missed??" I teared again.

I miss trainings, miss the hall, miss playing with my teammates, miss the aircon in the hall, miss the GT fan, miss teasing Mr fung, miss bullying my teammates especially yenling and my pet 'agamon', miss disturbing isa the 'chao ta mian bao' captain, miss my 'char pok' on court, miss the shoutings of encouragement in court, miss the steady ace ace ace, miss my backaches and elbow pains, in fact missing alot more things.....I wonder when is the next time i will be playing a vball match again. I think i will not continue playing vball anymore, i need time to recover from my back injury which i wonder will it ever get well, and i doubt so..

From wad Agatha say: "to get over this loss, to adjust to this, it'll take time". I believe i really need time to get over with this.

anyway, HCi vball team is now my 'ou xiang' team...especially player no. 8 and no. 3, i admire them alot...woah...hope they can get champions..i shall wish them Good Luck in the finals. Not forgetting Tjc Guys team oso, a strong team indeed, they are in the finals!!! Love to watch them play matches, they have such strong determination and power and good communication skills...admire them too..wahaha...

REMEMBER 17th MAY (Toa Payoh Sports Hall),
HCI vs NYJC (girls)
TJC vs AJC (boys)
a MUZ watch match......g0 TJ g0...JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!!

i have school, lessons, trainings and trainings. i feel so tired having to wake up at 5 every morning and reached home at 5 plus 6. that's not enough i still have hmwk and having to revised. and i end up not doing my hmwk. Well~when there are some gain, there are some losses:)

i am lost in physics and chem. cannot catch up with the work. chem tutorials are like copying answers that i dun understand at all. today's physic tutorial is worse. that agitated Mr Neo is like speaking alien language in front of me. Wad abt analogue electronics?? Wads so great abt the op-amp?????? i dun understand a thing abt it. It juz connects to a triangular thing and the electricity doesnt flow out from anywhere. How in the hell am i suppose to understand an electronics when i am not one?? This is so ridiculous!! almost broke down during his lesson.

We got the vball groupings today. We are up against VjC, RjC and YjC. heh heh. Yishun jc. so near my home. fung, isa and char came back after drawing lots, with such bad acting skills that only my dear agamon will believe. today's training is so pathetic. We started at 3 and ended at 5. haha. me and qiao set up everything before they came. We both are so great. lolx.

i need more focus. not only for studies but more importantly now is vball. Nationals starting on 17th April. I cannot really concentrate during trainings nowadays, playing so badly. feeling so stress~

cHeeRx! ;)

its about 1.40am in the morning and i have to wake up at 5am and i juz dun know wad i am doing online at this hour..cant get to sleep..thiss week's happenings...besides the normal sch hours..i had dinner with my family on monday...tuesday ran to ecp with x-country pple...wednesday watch badminton's training and den my own training...today went for boy's training to watch them play friendly and i ran 2.4km with chenyi..woot*..quite a boring week..tml is half day which suits no purpose coz my lessons end at 12.15 and i have training from 12.30 to 4.30..thinking of wad i can do after training..think saturday i watching final destination...cannot confirm yet...think i quite long neva watch movie le..trying to find pple to watch with me..

so long neva blog..well...not much big happenings except abt running...got 3rd for dualathon and 7th for road run which i was damn pissed off with myself...shouldnt have slack at the last sec..can u believe tt i was juz 3sec away from the 6th positioin and my $60 asic voucher..but nvm..its over le..next big thing would be nationals competition and of coz if time does not clash..i might be considering x-country..sianx...

i am starting to feel tt i am lack of time..neva study properly and i have not been doing hmwk..starting to feel the stress ba..sorry pple if i lose control of my temper...i am learning how to cope...haha:)

and tt is oso the reason why some things shouldnt start at this time..relac...still a long way to go...actually i started planing for after my a's le..think i will be working right after a's...but before that..i muz visit MOS and of coz not forgetting Zouk...maybe i will visit on my birthday...who noes?...now very mah fan...if go hafta borrow ic...and i bet my mum's gonna scream at me...haha:P

it 2am now..gtg rest le...i will try my best to sleep...if not tml will be horrible...i might juz faint during training...nitex~